My Would-be

I never knew nothing could give more happiness than knowing her to become a mother. And yes it was by the mid of a January just after a week of my birthday I was informed that I was pregnant. The joy of becoming a mother and that I was carrying an embryo in my womb could be the biggest reason for me on that day to celebrate my life. I possibly wanted to scream to the world about my ‘would be’ baby and share my happiness to each of the inhabitants of this planet, and let them know that I would join the motherhood pretty soon. I wanted every known and strange person to be informed about the good news of my life! I still remember about my sister cum colleague who was the first to inform me about the report and its positivity directly from the lab. I was still in the realms of my disbelief and reconfirming her words. I know my eyes must have glittered with sparkles of excitement and paradise, on that day on hearing her blissful words. I tried controlling myself and remembering the contacts to be informed first.

My doctor at the very first appointment made a long list of dos, don’ts and musts along with few medicines and regular body weight and pressure checkups prescribed to me. He also made me aware of the general problems and side effects during the pregnancy periods. I soon started weaving fantasies about my seed. I felt good looking at my still flat tummy everyday that I was bearing my child inside. It felt so strangely beautified to be in the transitional phase of a young woman to her motherhood. The magnitude of the absoluteness and the fullness of my body became unexpressed beyond words. The days passed by and I could notice my abdomen shaping up like a balloon slowly. The process of transmitting the emotions and hormones from my brain to toes made my heart grow fonder and fresh. Every day I became more careful and cautious and responsible. I was growing a mother everyday within with my growing liabilities and attitudes. The warmth of the cold season seemed to embrace me with all its tenderness and fortune. Getting into the motherhood sheathed my emotions in pride and predilection.  The doctor had asked me to stay very careful in every sense of the word. Not to hurry up and take stress were the most important and strict rules of them. The implementation of such new rules in my life made me feel really special and anew.

I could relate them all to the phase of growing up my plants in the mini garden, abreast my house. Sowing seeds and then watering them and finding them sprouting out slowly from the ground with their soft fresh green heads, would make one feel that the newbie saplings are trying to explore the new world they were being brought to. I have seen them dancing with the bliss of rains as they pour down on them as a super surprise. And then if at all bees bosom around means nothing’s like it. And so was with me. Everything around me happened to be felt as beautiful as my heaven. I fell for everything I used to see and touch and sense and perceive. I felt I was on the top of this world: that is the miracle of the phase!

My second visit to the doctor after two months confirmed my baby with perfect growth and normalcy. That was the first time I was referred to the ultra-sonography chamber (USG) to scan and determine the baby’s heart beat. And that was the first time I was introduced to my baby. The doctor dipped my belly with some cool gel substance, with me lying on the bed, and was moving something like an extended machine over my abdomen with a soft pressure. She immediately indicated me to look at her monitor. Just a black spot on the screen was seen which I was told by the doctor as my baby, surrounded by some wavy substance. A super fast beating sound that I could hear too through the ear phones was the foetus’ heart beat. Amazing I felt; I felt to capture the most wonderful moment of my life, of a growing life anew inside me. It brought me tears of joy and surprise. The doctor reconfirmed about the baby’s well being in my womb.  

India is still so backward than the western countries. Even at the doorway of the 21^st century, by the age of gender equality, Indian doctors scare to detect and inform about the gender of a foetus to the parents. The abortion rates of female foetus rising high everyday in India. Hence, I was also not aware of the gender of my baby inside me. But I had an option; I could have used it to know the gender. I used to work in a laboratory and the doctor had been a good kin to me. But I wanted to wait for my surprise gift till the end of my nine months. That would be my best gift I could ever have, I knew.